Podcast Ep 11: Showing Up For Animals
Originally Published April 17, 2022
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Welcome to True Kinship with Animals, where we believe we all do better when ALL creatures do better. I’m Janet Roper and each week I share stories and suggestions with you on how to deepen your relationship with animals, moving you from ownership to true kinship, one animal at a time.
This podcast is brand new and your help getting it off the ground is much appreciated! If you enjoy this podcast and find my work helpful, if you have been inspired or informed, or have discovered your world has opened to new possibilities because of the podcast, consider supporting my work by making a financial contribution or shopping my wish list. The link is also on the show page for your convenience.
Your support helps this podcast grow and makes my work sustainable.I can't do it without you! Many thanks!
Today we’re focusing on domesticated animals - our animal family. How do you show up for your animal family? Ha, I bet you're saying right now, "Janet that's a no-brainer! I know how I show up for my animal family!”
True, you do, and yet there are so. many. different. ways. to show up for them.
There's a laundry list we’ve been given of how we “should” show up for animals: as their caretaker, rescue-er, chef, chauffeur, best friend, guardian, trainer, exercise coach, social secretary, playmate, neighbor and each one of those titles have a myriad of responsibilities to go with it.
So it's very fair and true to say we are deeply involved with them and we love them greatly.
So, for instance, you want to express your deep felt love for your animal pal. You go to them and either get to their level or pick them up. You then give them the BIGGEST, WARMEST, HUGGIEST EMBRACE that you are capable of giving.
And it doesn’t go as planned.
Your dog growls, your cat hisses or your horse pins their ears at you.
What the heck is up with that? Why would they react like that when you're simply showing your affection?
Some possible reasons: they could be in pain, not feeling well, you woke them up, you interrupted what they were doing, they don't like to be touched, they don't like that BIGGEST, WARMEST, HUGGIEST EMBRACE as much as you do.
Given present day cultural conditioning, a common way to view their response to unwanted attention can be interpreted as they’re angry at us, they’re getting back at us for something, we didn’t do things right, etc. We may be viewing their reactions from an anthropomorphic lens - that of attributing human qualities to animals, particularly domesticated animals.
Anthropomorphism is certainly a commonly used lens, and to me it brings up the question are their actions spontaneous, authentic ones?
When their response is looked at from the perspective of true kinship, what they are doing is acting from their own agency - as each being has a right to do.
For a minute, let's look at this from a human perspective.
Have you ever gone to a family gathering and there's that one relative who always gives you the unwanted bear hug, pinches your cheeks or pats you on the head? You've asked them not to do so but they continue to do so each year because they just love doing it and because it's their desire to do so you should love it too!
Hmmmmm…….see any parallels there?
Just because you want to embrace them, doesn't mean they want to accept it or even need to accept it.
I am not saying not to show affection for your animal, not by any stretch of the imagination! But I AM saying it’s a two way street and they get a say in this.
When the animals respond to your enthusiastic embraces with less than the enthusiastic response you expected, it (usually) doesn't necessarily mean you're in the dog house. They are simply expressing their own agency.
Which is their right to do as sentient beings.
What to do when that happens?
Accept it
Don’t take it personally
Stop immediately with the hugging
Let them go and step back
Thank them for letting you know
Start observing when they come to you for affection
Recognizing, accepting and honoring their agency is a ginormous step in moving toward true kinship. Accepting agency is not a one and done thing, it’s a way of life.
Try it and see how it works for you. Do you notice a difference in your relationship? How do you feel when you do this? Is your animal pal acting differently, if so, how?
I know it’s easier when we can share our experiences with others. If you care to share, I’m open to hearing your response. Leave a comment on the show page or contact me through my website at janetroper.com and let me know how this is working for you.
Now for a short break and when we return I’ll be sharing one of my own experiences.
A heartfelt thank you to those who have contributed to the growth of this podcast! Your support, whether financially, liking, sharing or leaving a comment, translates into appreciation of the work I do and how it shows up in the world. This helps me accept the fullness of my dream of true kinship with animals and acknowledges you as a kindred spirit with that dream!
I’m asking you to continue helping me as I carry on sharing this dream with the world at large
If you have ever found my work helpful, if this podcast has inspired or informed you or expanded possibilities in your world, now is the time to help the true kinship with animals dream continue to unfold into reality. Making a financial contribution, shopping my wish list, sharing, liking, or leaving a comment on the show page are deeply appreciated ways to show your continued support. For your convenience, the link to make a financial contribution supporting this podcast is found on the show page.
Thank you for your continued support, kindred spirits!
Here we are - one of my real life experiences of ever so many in learning about animals’ agency.
I did not grow up with animals. It was a basic rule of thumb in my household that animals were, well, animals and they didn’t belong with people in a house.
So my first animal companion came to me when I was 40, a black cat named Pookie.
I had no idea what to expect from a cat, as a matter of fact, the first time I watched her knead, I called the vet because I was sure something was wrong with her!
I was convinced the more I hugged her and loved upon her, the faster she would accept me.
Not so. As a matter of fact, it had the opposite affect. Pooks would hiss and swat at me, then run off to hide where I couldn’t find her. At times she would turn her back on me in utter disgust. I bet anyone who has lived with a cat is familiar with that move!
I was devastated. For my own safety (literally) I had to stop trying to hold her, love up on her and basically ignore everything about her except her basic needs.
I was a mess, convinced I had done something wrong to have “hurt her feelings” as I perceived her actions were telling me.
It was when I finally stopped bothering her all the time that things began to change.
That was a hard lesson to learn, for sure.
When we remove our human expectations and impositions, animals can follow their own agency and inborn sense of readiness and timing in the way that is comfortable for them.
When we force an issue, such as giving them BIGGEST, WARMEST, HUGGIEST EMBRACES, we can very well be blocking and prohibiting them from caring for themselves in a way they sense is in their own best good. That can lead to them accepting our actions to appease us.
And I know you listeners do not want to override your animal’s pals sense of self care.
It’s extremely reasonable for us with animal family members to be aware of outdated behaviors imposed by a colonized society. That determines what our relationship with our animal family looks like and how we should interact with them. Living in a colonized system as we do demands we’re the boss, we have dominion over animals and it expects us to abide by that principle. It doesn’t have the desire or room to include an animal’s agency.
Being in true kinship with animals is revolutionary. It’s a radical position that recognizes and accepts the animals agency for what it is. As we recognize and respect their agency we are less likely to force human dictates on our animal family.
In other words, we’re no longer willing to pull the “because I’m human, that’s why” card.
How do we begin to change? Here are some places to start:
Remembering animals are the owners of their own lives
Recognizing animals have their own individual, unique experiences that stand on their own without the need of human validation
Beginning the move from an ownership mindset to one of true kinship. An opening to doing this is to no longer use words like “pet” and “owner”
Next time you’re with your animal family pay attention to your connection. Learn to recognize and appreciate those shared moments when each of you is secure in your own agency where verification from the other being is not needed. If you care to tell me about your seamless experience, simply leave a comment. I’d love to hear about it!
Many thanks for joining me today. If you liked what you have heard, you can support this podcast by making a financial contribution, leaving a comment, giving the show a like, a follow and/or a share.
Your support of this podcast with a financial contribution or by shopping my wish list makes my work sustainable and encourages me to keep on going!
Thank you for listening and keep moving toward true kinship! Just for today remember: We all do better when all creatures do better. Until next week, take good care!
