Hindsight Is 20/20
Originally Published February 15, 2021
Max and I are will soon be goin out for one of our many daily walks. It's cold and windy today here in Montana so it takes us awhile to bundle up. As Max has aged, his back legs tend to give out, particularly in the cold weather, so he wears a 'just in case' support sling.
Once I get that fitted securely on him, I start the layering process for myself. First a heavy acrylic slouch hat, next a heavy hoodie, zipped all the way up to my throat with the hood tied securely over the slouch hat. Next comes my trusty decades old black worn Carhartt barn coat. When it's really cold (read that to mean it now feels like -21 degrees) a heavy wool scarf is wrapped around my nose and mouth. Finally there's the lined boots, gloves and sunglasses if needed.
Whew!!! It's a production!
I bought that coat the first winter after Shiloh and I came together in 1998. It now has a lot of memories stored in it - 18 years of Shiloh chewing on it, pulling on it, slobbering on it, spitting unwanted medicine on it, dribbling water on it, rubbing against it.
That coat kept me warm and somewhat cozy when I had to go to the barn multiple times a day to medicate Shiloh's eye for uveitis. Uveitis, which can cause blindness, is also know as moon blindness because it reoccurs.
Caring For Shiloh
When I look back at that time, I wish I had done things differently with Shiloh's health care. One day the vet told me it had come to the point where I had to make a choice: either to have Shiloh's eye removed or to make multiple daily trips to the barn to medicate his eye to lessen the pain.
I chose the latter, thinking that by upping the medication his eye would be saved and there would be no need for surgery.
In making that choice, I caused my beloved horse months of unnecessary pain and myself months of worry, angst and guilt. At the time I couldn't understand how making what I thought was the best decision was actually detrimental to him.
Hindsight Is 20/20
It's only in recent years I have come to realize I did that because I needed to be seen as a selfless and involved horse mom. I assumed that wish would be attained by choosing to make numerous daily trips to the barn.
Once I realized how that unconscious need had played such a large part in Shiloh's care, I began to understand the why it was there and to begin my own healing journey. I couldn't go back in time and change what happened, but by comprehending the roots of my actions, I was able to be compassionate with myself and bring understanding to the entire experience.
One of the reasons I believe so passionately in nuturing and tending the relationship between humans and animals is to assist you NOT make the same mistakes I have.
I know you want nothing more than to do what's best for animals, without having your unconscious biases interfere with the outcome. Practicing true kinship with animals helps you and the animals with that.
I hope you'll explore this site and find and more about true kinship with animals and the difference it can make for you and the animals you connect with. Good starting points are the true kinship newsletter, the podcast and the membership community Kindred. When you’re ready to delve deeper, contact me and set up a free discovery call.
BTW, Shiloh's story had a happy ending. He did end up having his eye removed. After he recovered and after an adjustment period of learning how to navigate life with only one eye, his overall health improved and he returned to his former content and happy self.
