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My Vet, Anal Glands and Target Practice

small cream dog in park

Hi. See that picture? That’s me. I’m Teddy and I’m 15 years old. Aren’t I handsome? My tail is spectacular, don’t you think? Mom thinks I’m a con artist, but that’s not true. Can I help it if people think I’m so cute they’ll do anything I ask them to do for me?

I had a goooooood day today. I started by going to a new groomer. I don’t like going to the groomer, I think I’m handsome enough. But Mom said I’ve been to my dog park so much and got so muddy I could use a good bath. Oh well – can’t win ’em all. I got a good car ride out of it.

Then Mom and my sister Emmie picked me up and Mom took both of us to the vet for our heartworm exams. Mom also asked my vet to express my anal glands. I’d been scooting around on the floor a lot lately, and licking my rear, hinting to Mom that it was time to get them expressed. You know, you’d think having an animal communicator for a mom you wouldn’t have to go to such extremes to get her attention, but, there you go.

That stuff that fills my anal glands? It’s kind of brownish and slimey and stinky. But does it ever serve a purpose! I can mark my territory with that. If you come to my dog park, you will see all of us dogs getting to know each other ~ nose to tail as Mom says. We’re checkin’ out each other’s anal glands.

I can express my glands by myself when I go outside and poop, or when I clean myself up. But sometimes I need help, and today was one of those days.

My vet took me into that big room today. I knew this was not going to be a fun time for me. He had that serious look on his face. So he lifted my tail and started to squeeze the glands. Ouch! It usually doesn’t hurt, but today it did – maybe because they were so full. So I decided to teach that vet a lesson. The next time he squeezed, ready, set, SPLAT! Right on his shirt! Ha! I had a big laugh about that, so did my vet tech. My vet had to take his shirt off and wear scrubs, I did such a good job! And then I heard him tell Mom that the smell probably won’t come out of his shirt and he’d have to throw it out. I did goooood!

He told Mom he’d show her how to express my glands, but she said no thanks, she didn’t want me squirting that stuff on her. I wouldn’t do that to Mom. He told Mom to make sure she brings me in when I first start scooting around.

So that was my special day today. It’s worn me out – how many times do you get to use your vet as target practice and you hit the bull’s eye? So if you want to play target practice with your vet, just start scooting in front of your mom or dad, and get them to take you to your vet to get your glands expressed!

Over and Out,

Teddy

16 Comments

  1. Caroline Melberg April 20, 2008 at 11:05 am #

    Wow – sounds like Teddy had a very fun day at the vet. I will have to tell Maverick about his experience so he can learn from Teddy’s wisdom in these matters!
    Caroline

    Reply

  2. admin April 20, 2008 at 7:21 pm #

    Hi Caroline,
    I’m sure Maverick also has some tips he can teach Teddy!
    Harmony,
    Janet Roper & Teddy

    Reply

  3. Jo Singer April 21, 2008 at 4:34 pm #

    Meowmy let me take over the computer and we have a voice typing program so we can get our message across.

    This is Hush Puppy speaking. I sometimes suffer from impacted anal glands and those nasty vets really hurt me as they prod away to “express’ my glands. I don’t know about you, Teddy, butt ( ha) I am glad that you had the opurrtunity to express yourself to your vet. Meowmy’s vet does nasty things to me like make me wear one of those dumb collars after she does surgery on me.

    I am glad you were able to do what you did. Remember, don’t get mad.. get even! HA.

    It was so refreshing to read your story today.

    Hush Puppy- Lilack Point Oriental Neuter- age 8

    Reply

  4. admin April 21, 2008 at 5:08 pm #

    Hi Hush Puppy,
    We must work to get the word out to all our 4 legged compatriots. I told all my friends at my dog park and they said they’d tell their friends. You keep working that voice typing gadget.
    Expressively yours,
    Teddy

    Reply

  5. Kim Carneal October 24, 2008 at 10:07 pm #

    oh dear! That made me laugh so hard I spilled coffee on my keyboard.
    My pug Wibble has an anal gland impaction issue. He doesn’t do the flop-bot thing to let me know he’s got a problem, so I never know until his bottom swells like a baboon’s.
    Warm compresses seem to help with the pain of expressing, but who can hold a compress on the butt of a pug?
    I hope Teddy feels properly vindicated after “sharing.”

    Reply

  6. admin October 27, 2008 at 9:58 am #

    Hi Kim,
    Thanks for stopping by – hope your keyboard has dried out!

    Sorry to hear about Wibble’s problems. I think he & Teddy would have a lot to commiserate on! Teddy’s vet recommended he come in every six weeks, just to stay on top of things. I have also begin asking that someone with a small hand express the glands. Don’t know if that makes a difference, but I feel better about asking for that.

    Teddy has been hard to live with since that post. Blogging is going to his head…..

    Take care, stop by again!
    Harmony,
    Janet & Teddy

    Reply

  7. Monty July 25, 2009 at 1:31 pm #

    I don’t bottom-scoot, I chew away the fur round my bum instead, if mummy doesn’t notice in time, then I have to go get antibiotics for that *as well* as having my glands expressed.
    Luckily, I get booked in with the nice slim-fingered vet, I’ve never sprayed her yet 🙂

    Reply

  8. janet July 27, 2009 at 9:35 pm #

    Hey Ho, Teddy here! Dog pal, you’re getting double duty stuff there! You’re lucky your vet has slim fingers. My vet doesn’t, so I spray when I can! HA!
    Over & Out,
    Teddy

    Reply

  9. Dyan deNapoli (The Penguin Lady) February 8, 2013 at 10:13 pm #

    This reminds me of an incident that took place when I was working as a vet tech many years ago. The vet had a dog standing up on the table and was expressing it’s anal glands, which were really full – when some of it squirted directly into the vet’s mouth! He did some gagging and choking (and major rinsing out of his mouth), but I was surprised he didn’t vomit on the spot. We teased him about that one for a long time. (But he never expressed anal glands with the dog up on the table again at face height!)

    Reply

    • Janet February 8, 2013 at 10:20 pm #

      Oh ick! I’m surprised he didn’t vomit too. You win the ‘worst anal glands expressing story’ award! 😉

      Reply

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